Beloved
by Sageseeker777
Summary: E+T, angsty and short. But very sweet. WAFF warning;)


Beloved

by Sageseeker777

Disclaimer: No.

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Prologue

Needless to say, it was perfect. The moment. One of those times where for just a single minute, every single thing falls into place. The universe is a temple of marble.

Well, amidst the enchanted snow and the magical forest and the bewitching spell of the other, Syaoran and Sakura happened to find themselves in one of these moments that were so perfect.

The reason it is so needless to point out the fact, however, is because when Syaoran's face got closer to Sakura's, and when Sakura breathed deep of the scent of autumn in the glow of the late October sunset, time and the world in general stopped just for them. So, they had their own moment, regardless of whatever the universe decided to throw their way.

And when the kiss actually came, joy is the only descriptor worthy of the wellspring within the lovers who happened upon their own personal perfect moment, since joy isn't at all everything they were feeling and yet is truly what it is. The aura of Love surrounding them might have been the reason the universe actually decided to grant them the perfection of the world's moment.

Well, the thought that crossed the barrier of minds between them in that moment of theirs is what broke the moment and while temporarily depressing two someones, it brought another beautiful love to bloom; I love you.

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Chapter One

"She said it! Do you know what she said?!" In a rage she's screaming. "Do you?! Do you know what it means to say those words, to share that thought?!" She's breaking down, "To draw his breath or wear his warmth or to feel..." Tears. Why tears, koishii? "Do you know what she promised?" A whisper, now.

Her lower lip is trembling. This is too much for me. I want to cry myself. But, no. Not yet. I force a whisper of my own, "Is she happy?"

A slow closing of her eyelids. Time seems to stop for a second. She opens her eyes and I find myself lost in the broken amethyst depths. Her face is suddenly turned away, her eyes cloaked by a cascade of hair. "Yes."

I can feel her falling. She is running away, from me, from Sakura, from everything. I can't let her! In a step I close the distance between us, and I use what advantages years of adolescent growth have afforded me as I embrace her tightly. I can feel her stiffen, as though she might run, but she shudders and relaxes against me. I can feel that I'm supporting her whole weight as she gathers up what little strength she has left and realizes that it cannot hold.

As her shoulders shake with the release of her sobs, I begin to let my own tears go. I cannot bear to see her in pain. I love her, even if she is so blind to it. But she has to know by now...

Waking up in a strange place isn't usually a good thing, but when you have your arms around the only person you've ever found love in, on, or hereabouts, its probably the best thing that could happen to you. Lo, the sum of my lifetimes of knowledge! How pitiful, but what is all that knowing worth in the face of the only value beyond such all lifetimes: love?

Oh, my ai! Being so intimate with you as to breathe in the scent of your hair yet not touching your heart? It is torture! I don't want to deal with this. But I'm still sleepy.

A sigh. One of many. You are so stubborn, Tomo-chan. "Daidouji-san, please..."

Your tear-streaked face and red eyes are enough that I might force you to let me stay, if only to prevent you from doing anything to yourself. I want to ask you the question that you will lie to yourself about, that I know for certain fact you will use to escape your misery in order to fall into despair: 'Are you happy?' 'But of course, for love is the holding of another's happiness as more precious than your own.' 'Yet, while you may be in love, are you happy?' 'I...'

Oh, it plays out in so many ways, yet a single one. Aisheteru, Tomo-chan, why can you not see it? I need you as much as you need me, and you, koishii, need me, need someone, beyond what you can dream. I don't want you to fall apart or away, koishii. I promise, forever koishii, if I could just get you to...

"No." You whisper for effect. It hits like a ton of bricks, just like you want it to, but what can I do? Can I refuse and say I'll cook a brunch?

"Are you sure? I don't think that you know-"

Wrong way to approach it. "Out. Now! I don't want anyone right now!" You scream like a little girl, koishii. Let me help you...

Goodbye... "Ja, Daidouji-san." I feel cold inside when I act stoic. But how should I respond to your screams and threats?

As I walk out, I know how much it hurts. Not because I can see it on your face, which I can, but because I feel it too. I can see your face fall and your eyes tear again, even if you don't think I do, but I hurt, I bleed too! I have no right to be angry, however. How could you know? Yeah, I wonder, how...

As soon as I am outside I call on a rune of emotion, to release mine. Snow. A storm has stirred up, Tomo-chan. Maybe I am just as lost as you; maybe I'm caught in the same whirlwind, koishii.

I cannot return, I cannot return to that cold emptiness that is my home, I cannot return to any place. So I turn. I run to the park. That old park that seems to be a place of convergence. The one with the penguin. I like penguins. It all started with Pen-Pen. The greatest anime character ever. My tears are like burning rivers as I try to reminisce about that old escape of mine. Yet what can occupy such an ancient mind as my own? I run into the forest, I let myself trip and fall into the snow, because I don't care at the moment. I'll probably get sick. Will you take care of me when I get sick, koishii? Will you be selfish and do something that you won't be around to regret? The swirling snow suddenly calms, and all that is left is a single snowflake. My eyes follow it from far above.

How sad. Angst! I cry the word of that play, I cry Shakespeare: "Angst! Beridden..." Oh, what does it matter? A laugh: 'The fellow wise enough to play the fool'. Another sigh. These seem to haunt me.

I pull myself up. I'm getting more pathetic by the second. I have to refuse this.

I walk home, calmed. When I get there, I sit in my chair, and I do nothing. I do not blink, I do not breathe, I do not think, I do not exist. I just want to get away from it all. But it can only last so long.

This is horrible. "No!" I scream, "I don't accept this!! Why does it have to be this way?!" I am glad that Sakura and my descendant can be happy. But my koishii...

I collapse into my chair. Sleep, ever my gentle friend... I call on another rune to take me into the dark oblivion I seek.

It is late. That much I know. What I can't discern is the reason why I don't care. I don't care about anything at the moment. My Tomo-chan, my life, my never-ending story of angst. At least the protagonist lives happily ever after. Yet, isn't the line 'And they lived happily ever after'? 'They'? Who are we they? What about me? What about my koishii?

I'm going for another walk. This time beyond the edge of the town. It's getting darker, and its earlier than in the summer because of the Earth's autumnal proximity to the sun. I don't really care much. The forest is welcoming.

It's cold, and I haven't the want to expend any energy on warmth or light. I can see well enough, especially with the moon as full as it is.

There is a cliff below me. It's an awesome vantage point. If I was really in the mood to appreciate it I might have noticed all of the peculiar little details I am known for generally taking notice of. Nothing seems to be making sense, and everything is... invisible? I just can't seem to see anything right now. It's a strange way of feeling, but an easy escape. I don't want to escape! What do I want? I don't know- Yes I do!

I want to hold my koishii, and have her hold me back. I want her love. But I don't want her pity. And I don't want to steal her love.

I turn around and begin to run. I'm not too physically fit, so I soon call on some magic for endurance. Miles and miles pass, and soon I'm in front of her house again. I'm exhausted. But the light in her room is off.

Though it may be tempting to just fly up there and watch her, I decide against it. This whole dilemma seems to be becoming redundant. And the pain has settled into a low throb near the bottom of my left ribcage.

Home. No sleep of course. I stare at the moon until daybreak, when the clouds, which were at least a tapestry of the leaden winter colors yesterday, greet me in drab fashion. Yuck. It suits my mood, however.

Eternity is my lease, yet I can't stand past moping over some girl who happened to become my friend. No! Not just some girl. This is my Tomo-chan. My koishii.

I sleep again when the clock is nearing half-past seven. Or rather, I try. There is a knock at my door. Apparently, Sakura hasn't been able to talk to Tomoyo for a few days. More's the pity. I try to be polite, but when I ask about Syaoran I set myself off again on that tangent. She notices my lack of sleep, I think, and runs along her merry way.

This time I got my sleep. It must be noon or somewhere around there. I make some tea.

Its raining now, the chill of snow must have blown north. And another knock at my door. It echoes through the house. I listen to the echo for a few moments, then decide to answer my door.

My red eyes and weary expression greet the sopping mess that seems to enjoy pneumonia-catching on my stoop. Hmmm, who could it be? Her eyes are more tear-stained then I remember. I grab a towel and a robe to cover her, then try to get her out of those clothes. She changes in the bathroom to preserve her sense of modesty, but I am worried that she might pass out from fever alone on the cold tile floor.

I can see her recognize the expression on my face. The fact that I was crying as well as her. I wonder if she can guess the reason. She's even more beautiful in my oversized black bathrobe, especially with her cheeks rosy from the cold.

I sigh again. We haven't said a word since she came out of the bathroom. Her teacup is empty, so is mine. But neither makes a move. We watch the emptiness.

"Cold..." she whispers. I wonder if she realizes the metaphor for my life.

With a wave I make the fireplace roar. She bites her lower lip. Maybe I lose my graceful touch when I'm cranky.

She begins to talk. I yawn as she starts, "I followed you."

I am incredibly surprised as she continues, "After the park I sat on the swings for hours, then I saw you on the road to the outskirts of town. I didn't go into the woods, but..." She sees my expression. I'm willing to bet that it stands somewhere between hopeful depression and angry stoicism. My koishii just spits it out, then. "I'm sorry. And..." she falters, as though she was making a vast effort. I rise and slide in next to her, and I accept the hug she wraps me in. I feel her breath at my ear and my entire body tingles. "I... Thank-you, Eriol. And..." She begins to breathe in gasps like she's trying to hold back tears. She buries her head in my neck as she whispers, "The pain, you feel it too?" A sigh from me. "We both hurt. I don't want to hurt... I..."

"Shhh," I whisper, but she continues anyway.

"Its not supposed to make everything all better, no matter how magical it is, is it? But the truth is just... better. I..." for a second her breathing seems to be impossible, and tears overwhelm her, but she fights it all back in spite of my pleas to just release everything. Yet, she was trying. "I-I.. I love you Eriol..." Her voice seems to echo a new low of depression, and her heart seems to have stopped, or maybe mine did. But mine seems to twist in agony as hot tears strike her neck. "What?" she whispers as I mumble something.

"Koishii..."

a/n: Koishii: Beloved, ai: Love, Aisheteru: I love you, ja: later, 

ai:koishii:Tomo-chan:Daidouji-san: Tomoyo Daidouji


End file.
